10 Rules for an Empowered Marriage

Ladies, are you ready to see what the top rules of marriage are?  I am about to spill all the beans on this one.  I am not holding nothing back because it is my sincere desire that you also succeed in your marriage.  Long gone are the days where marriages lasted forever.  I am sure that you can name five failed marriages really quick.  From celebrities to family members, knowing someone who has been married a long time is pretty rare.  

There are many reasons for why marriages fail but with this handy list you will be able to celebrate more anniversaries than her royal highness the Queen of England who was married for 73 years.  Wowzers!!  That is longer than most people live.  I cannot imagine.    

This year I am celebrating 21 years of marriage.  With tears, laughter, disbelief, and eyes wide open, I welcome this marriage blessing of 21 years with my not-so-perfect husband.  For 21 years, I have been the happiest and the most miserable, sometimes simultaneously.  Married life is not easy, and it is not for everyone. At this stage of the game, I don’t have the energy to train another one.  This one will have to do.  He already knows his way to my heart, my stomach, and to my bank account.  I don’t ever get flowers, but you best be sure that his check is coming direct deposit straight to me every pay day.  He never asks questions.  I have three beautiful kids with my husband, but I am still trying for the baby Birkin.  

I am a material girl with a great big Chanel No 5 encrusted heart.  That is why I share with you my marriage wisdom.  I love my husband to death.  We are two different worlds that make it work for sake of our family and our commitment to each other.  That commitment looks very different to the both of us but it works out for us.

• Marry Prince Charming – This is the top rule because whether you realize it or not, this is the person that you will be committing the rest of your life to.  This is the person that will love every inch of you even when you don’t feel very pretty.  I did not marry my Prince Charming because I was too busy messing around with the stagehands.  For being in a hurry to find someone and get married, I ended up with the first thing that crossed my path.  Life is not fair, ladies.  I did not marry Prince Charming, but my man tells me that I am pretty and feeds me tacos.  In the field of love, take your time, shop around, make a list of qualities that you will not compromise on.  Never settle for anything less than you deserve.  If when you go and buy a pair of shoes, you try them on and look in the mirror.  Same thing here.  Don’t go for the clearance rack.  
• Marriage for two – A marriage is meant to be between two people.  As simple as that sounds, believe you me, when I tell you that Prince Charming’s mother would like a say in the matter or all matters at that.  In fact, your mother-in-law will have plenty to say to him, to you, and to anyone who will listen.  Bless her dearest heart.  She has only the interest of her son in mind.  Be cordial, you are the queen, remember.  In your castle, you are the ruler.  You make the decisions and all the rules.  You don’t need to tolerate anything that is meant to harm you or your character.  Make it clear that she could have her son back all wrapped up in a bow and shipped next day air if needed.  If you do send him back, send all the laundry, record collection, drums, bills, and absolutely everything that belongs to him, even the kids.  See how quickly the situation will turn and you will be a respected wife by all.    

• Go to bed angry – This is one I tend to practice often. First and foremost, I am a queen that requires at least 12 hours of sleep. The last thing that I am going to do is wait up for my husband to get home to discuss something that has been bothering me.  I prefer to let it sit inside my head for as long as possible until I explode on him.  There is some anxiety that comes with letting unresolved issues linger for days, like dreading to see him or just entirely hating him.  Some might call this a toxic trait, but I call it sleep over matter.  I need my sleep and the problems don’t really matter.  Most problems that marriages encounter revolve around money, kids, or disagreements.  In the grand view of things, there is really not a problem bigger than the ones that we create in our own heads.  Sometimes, it really does take a few days of thinking about a situation to realize how silly or miniscule it really is.
• Cook for your husband – This one comes natural to me.  I love to cook processed and frozen food for my husband.  There is never a week that I don’t pop into the oven a pizza, chicken nuggets, or a nice hot Ramen Noddle soup into the microwave.  My cooking skills are probably the best of my qualities.  So much that I used to even pack him his lunch to work on the daily.  This was so fun and rewarding for me to wake up at 4 am and make him breakfast and lunch.  I did this for a few years and I know he was the envy of his entire coworkers.  His lunchbox consisted of pop tarts, energy bars, sandwiches, and Cokes.  Nobody is going to take care of my husband better than an unhappy toxic wife.  I am sure that he would prefer a nice home-cooked meal with homemade tortillas but that is just not me.  When he finds somebody like that, she can cook for us both.  In the meantime, he is perfectly happy with me.
• Never ask for permission – You owe your husband nothing, ladies; absolutely NADA.  There is no need to ever ask if you could do something.  You feel like changing your hair color, do it.  You feel like going out with your boyfriend, do it.  You feel like buying something nice for yourself, do it.  You want to go out with your friends, do it.  There is nothing more in this world that I dislike than a woman who says, let me ask my husband.  He is not your dad, the ring that he gave you does not mean that he owns you.  An Empowered Fem is always in control of her life and her actions.  There is no one that needs to give us permission to shine how we want to. There is a difference with letting your husband know what your plans are versus asking for permission.  Remember, you have to show people how to treat you.  Train him early, sis.
• Compromise a little – When will husbands understand that we are always right?  We have always been more intelligent than them.  As much as I like to nag my husband and tell him, “I told you”, the reality is that we are two very different individuals and there is just no winning.  There is often too much pride, resentment, or anger when trying to settle differences.  I usually just make my husband think that I totally agree with him just for sake of not arguing or trying to win a battle that is not going to be won.  In fact, I sometimes, don’t even waste my voice in trying to prove a point.  I much rather save my voice for karaoke night.  With disagreements, there does not always have to be someone who is right.  I mean, he can think he won over me all day long, while I enjoy a peaceful day at the mall.  

• Live for you – The explanation of this rule might be a little surprising but believe me when I tell you it works.  Like mentioned before, marriage is between two very different individuals with their own upbringing, thoughts, culture, reasoning, expectations, and mindset.  There are things that my husband loves that are like nails down a chalkboard to me.  We have very different taste in music, food, movies, books, and clothing.  Everything about us is the complete opposite.  I am an eagle he is a duck remember.  Well, I never let those differences stop me from enjoying the things that I love to do.  Like shopping, traveling, volunteering, taking selfies, singing rancheras from the top of my lungs.  I never let our differences get in the way of me enjoying my life to the fullest.  He has made me sit through rock and roll music that I don’t understand just as many times as I have made him sit in front of the TV watching a novela (Spanish soap operas).  I could never understand why he likes rock and he will never understand why novelas make me so emotional.  The bottom line is that I am going to live my life with or without him.   
• Love yourself first – There is no one who is going to love you more than you can love yourself.  No one will ever know you better than you know yourself.  I don’t need my husband to remind me that I am pretty because I already know it.  I need him to be working and out at his part-time job, not here at home.  Looking for validation from others will only make you miserable because you will not find what you need.  Because I love myself first, I put myself first.  My emotional, physical, and mental health comes first.  If I am having a stressful work week, my husband knows to stay out of the way.  I have trained my husband to know that I am one moody wife on medication and with very little patience.  Crossing me is the last thing he would want to do.  I think he loves me just as much as I love myself.
• Act Single – This one is a rule that you have to learn to follow.  It will take time for you to come to terms that being married does not mean that you have to do absolutely everything together.  I had to learn to be a married single mother early on. This is because my husband has always worked odd hours or done shift work.  It is difficult to plan things around a work schedule that is always moving.  For this, I never hesitate to plan something, knowing very well he is not able to attend.  I don’t hold a grudge over him for missing a sporting event or kids’ functions because I know he is working.  I have taken vacations, had parties, and even taken family pictures without him.  I enjoy being a married single mother.  It really works well for my family.  I do get asked why I don’t show my husband in social media; it’s because he is at work.  Where he should be.  
• Let the man out – Every once in a while my husband will decide that he has friends that he will choose over his toxic wife.  At which time, he better have a good reason why he needs to be let out for a couple hours.  After a few hours of deliberating and making him feel guilty for leaving us, he will proceed to step out and do whatever he wants.  It’s perfectly fine to let the man out for a while.  Let him go out and see for himself how good he really has it at home.  I remember staying up waiting for my husband to get home and being worried that something happened to him.  I soon realized that a weed never dies and that absolutely nothing was going to happen to him other than a good drunken time with his friends.  I now sleep like a baby knowing that he will again return to us before the sun comes up.  I will give him hell as soon as he walks through the door and we will go about our married happy life.     

Life is too short to be boring.  Have fun and enjoy the cards that life has dealt you.  – xoxoxo   

And for those who need a reminder of what to do if this offended you in any way, here’s what I will be doing because at the end of the day, my husband and I know how much we love one another and how a queen can have fun from time to time when she works so dang hard to empower others and stay empowered herself.