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How to Adjust Your Crown

January 19, 2021
As the queens that we are, there are many challenges that we face on a daily basis.  Being on a higher level and walking in your light does not come easy.  We have internal struggles that we have to deal with, daily mishaps, and other people’s problems that we are helping to shoulder. Then we... / READ MORE /

As the queens that we are, there are many challenges that we face on a daily basis.  Being on a higher level and walking in your light does not come easy.  We have internal struggles that we have to deal with, daily mishaps, and other people’s problems that we are helping to shoulder. Then we try to act as if everything is just fine.  It is not easy being fabulous.  

Most times that I say, “It is not easy being fabulous,” people tend to smirk and laugh.  I am not joking at all though.  I mean it.  It is a daily struggle to be the poised, confident, powerful, baddy boss that I am.  It is by no means easy.  No not at all, sis.  It takes work–daily work.  It has taken me years to reach the top.  It was not overnight that I became comfortable with myself and all that I have.  It took years to get rid of all the negativity that people threw at me to finally see what I was really made of.  Let me make one thing super clear to you:  people will be messy.  They will always try to put you down in some way.  They will prey on your weaknesses, on your kindness, on your sensitivity.  They will attack when you are at your lowest.  Being able to recognize that it is not me but them has taken me this long. 

Being an Empowered Fem takes daily work to know who you truly are and everything that you are made of.  You are made of tough skin and glitter.  We are resilient, strong, beautiful women.  Yet, even with all of this, there are those moments that will bring us down.  There are those actions by others that will disappoint us.  News that we were not expecting to hear.  Things that we wish hadn’t happened. The world being against us.  Being broken after so many tries.  Those times when your blood is boiling.  Even the nights when you have stayed up overthinking a situation.  We have all been there.  It doesn’t matter how empowered you are, life has a way of testing us.

It is how you deal with these situations that makes you different.  This is the hard part, the one where we have to readjust our crowns. The one where we face defeat and make a life-changing decision, or when we prepare for battle.  Remember that who you are fighting for is YOU.  There is no-one that will take better care of you than you.  Love yourself enough to break through these daily battles.

Lately, I have been obsessed with her royal highness Elizabeth Alexandra Mary Windsor, Queen of the United Kingdom and the Commonwealth realms. To most, Queen Elizabeth II, who at the time of this blog is 94 years old.  Wowzers!  She is by far the human personification of an Empowered Fem.  Her accession to the throne was in 1952 at the age of 25.  She has carried the problems of an entire country for the past 69 years and you mean to tell me that we are going to cry over spilled milk.  (Thank you to Netflix’s The Crown for teaching me about the Queen and drawing me into this series.) Nah, sis, we are going to fix our crowns.  

The queen is a woman just like us, with fears, doubts, cramps, emotions, disrespectful kids, problems, worries, everything.  How do you think she has managed it all?  She probably realized quickly that she could not let that crown slip for long or very often.  You better believe she learned quickly how to not let anyone see it tilt.  She took on that crown not as her responsibility but as her duty.  Her duty as a moral obligation to the people.  This is a role that she has not taken lightly.  Like us, she wears many crowns.  

Step into your duty as queen to your life and bestow upon you all of the kingdom, jewels, and riches that come along.  Walk into your power.  Recognize that as queen the challenges will be many.  There will be attacks against your character, your discussion, your family, and all the dirty laundry that you have piled up.  Do not let any of that discourage you from taking the crown. You just have to learn how to overcome those challenges.     

Four Ways to Adjust Your Crown

When times get tough and you feel your posture slouching, try one or all of these tips.

1. Count your blessings

Amidst all your problems and struggles you are blessed.  Look around you and recognize how abundantly blessed you already are.  Literally, count all your blessings.  There is nothing more that you lack.  You already have it all.  Recognize it and appreciate it.  For me, just having all my kids home during the holidays was a gift in itself.  I had not had all my kids at the breakfast table for a long time.  With one in College, shift work schedules, and me being a working mom breakfast with my kids was everything to me.  Any and all problems did not matter.

2. Put Your Problem in a Hat

This might sound funny, but I heard this from a lady at work years ago.  She said if everyone put their problems in a hat you would recognize that yours was not a problem at all.  There are people who are dealing with unimaginable things.  Your problem is microscopically small compared to theirs.  I always remember this because my problems tend to become giants in my head.  That is just in my head.  By me overthinking and over rationalizing and playing the scenario over and over, I make it bigger when in reality it is nothing at all.  

3. Understand It’s Not You; It’s Them

This one is hard to recognize at times, but people will come at you because of their own insecurities.  They will be messy because of jealousy, personal gain, or plain immaturity.  Try not to take things so personally.  Let things slide off you like butter on bread.  I actually enjoy seeing messy people’s faces when I am not bothered or have no reaction to their messiness.  Do not be a player in someone else’s game.

4. Let It Go

Just like the movie Frozen, where they sing Let it Go.  That is what we need to do most of the time, let it go.  We will let a problem or situation live in our head for way longer than it should.  We will overthink a problem to the moon and back.  We will actually be mad and angry over our own thoughts.  We will give our problems a place at the table and we need to STOP and just Let it Go.  

Put It Into Practice

This week, when things get tough, do one of the four actions above and know that you are fierce, bold, strong, and royal in your own way. 

It seems really appropriate for us to have a sing-a-long to end this month’s time together, beauties. At the top of our lungs, here we go. Anytime struggles hit this month, we will: 

Follow EmpoweredFem on social media for tips on how to be courageous, practice self-care, and realize your strengths. 


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  • Peggy
    January 26, 2021 AT 1:06 pm

    Thank you for this blog. I’m adjusting my crown, it was a little titled and off I go…. singing at the top of my lungs “let it go”.

  • zoraida basaldu
    January 26, 2021 AT 3:43 pm

    Adjust and move on flawlessly. :))

  • December 23, 2021 AT 1:48 am

    […] Today I want to talk to those of you who are struggling with imposter syndrome and are counting on others to believe in you and give you the affirmation you should be giving yourself. It’s time to believe in yourself. […]

  • Gladys Marie Sherman
    December 18, 2022 AT 4:24 am

    LET IT GO!

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